Updated: Jun 5
For the final episode of Season One, McCall and her husband, Kyle, disclose their journey through a very unhealthy relationship and into the intimate and loving marriage they now enjoy.
With five guests, this is a ‘Jam‘ packed episode... which make make you salivate! Like an English Muffin, the nooks and crannies are where the goodness resides. It's the Space In between that solidifies any relationship and fosters healthy boundaries.
Kristin Combs, shares how she is approaching her new relationship differently. Author Juan Lee (Love Made Simple) talks boundaries and the responsibilities of love. Professor Mormon Mike is back to talk about deep connections and allowing love. Executive coach, Sarah Goodson (threebeatsconsulting.com) brings some valuable tools for instilling boundaries, compassion and forgiveness... for others and ourselves. And finally Kaciny is back - to wrap up with her thoughts on boundaries, and ice cream cake!
WARNING: Talk of crock-pot chili, English muffins, ice cream cake, and other food analogies may make you salivate.
To start, McCall and Kyle detail the emotional toll that having children early on in their relationship brought about and how their behaviors spiraled them into a space of unhappiness and disconnection. After McCall took a huge step in creating a healthy boundary with Kyle, more space was freed up for creativity, laughter, and passion. There was no need to have complete overlap in their lives. Kyle was then able to grow and flourish by doing something for just himself, which was getting back into stand-up comedy. Now, they’re more connected than ever!
[6:12] Author Juan Lee speaks on the role of sacrifice in relationships and letting go of selfish motivations to nurture love. It is in unity that strength comes. Love is a choice and so is the journey of marriage. Marriage is choosing to ride the wave of love and valuing one another all the way through. What matters is the why, but we can’t necessarily show our why to each other. What we can do is exemplify it through our behaviors. We must make love happen.
[11:20] Kristin Combs is in a new relationship with a new attitude! She talks to us about false intimacy and the value of having different interests than your partner. Kristin has realized from past relationships that she tends to look to the other person to fulfill her needs and for recognition of her self-worth. Oftentimes, those people needed the same thing and couldn’t provide that for her, which perpetuated an addition to loneliness and abandonment. She’s now in a new relationship with a person who is secure in who they are, has their own friends and passions, and encourages her to have her own as well. There is a newfound security, independence, and intimacy that has come with this new love energy. Kristin details the tools and practices she’s learning and utilizing in her relationship to protect her individuality and nurture both the different and shared interests.
[18:09] English muffin intimacy – McCall no longer looks at true love as two slices of Wonder bread squished so hard together that they’re now one… she looks at it like an English muffin with countless nooks and crannies offering space for delicious energy, passion, God, and wonder to melt and fill each fluffy crevice. It is this space that connects us and still allows for individuality. Honor and value those differences and spaces for growth and allow the appreciation to occur. Just as you want to taste and appreciate each unique chili at a chili cook-off, it’s so important to do the same for the unique complexities of your partner.
[27:04] Mike Richardson speaks on the value in allowing power (and love) to flow through us rather than controlling it. He speaks on the creative influence that our boundaries and the space between them have on us, which can be changed by consent and can even be rigid, porous, or transparent. What is revealed or concealed when we change the rigidness or transparency of our boundaries? Then, McCall shares a visual analogy for boundaries, which may help you understand these concepts and show how boundaries are connected to growth and openness.
[33:07] Sarah Goodson shares her thoughts on boundaries, how they exist in her life and how they help with relationships. She breaks down the two components of boundaries, the inner experience and the outer experience, and gives examples of how you can implement these concepts into your life to bring ease into relationships. She speaks on the power of being a woman of her word to herself first and to others second, as well as how the most significant moments of her life gave way to a fearless path towards her ultimate life goal of deep peace. Sarah describes the benefits of compassionate self-forgiveness, touching on how it can reveal upsets, misunderstandings, judgements, and truths. Maintaining a conscious awareness around where these upsets and judgements affect you is the first step to letting them go and freeing yourself up to see the truth.
[45:32] To end things on a sweet note, Kaciny describes healthy relationships to be like ice cream cake. Ice cream and cake are both unique and wonderful on their own, each with different creative processes and needs… but when put together, you make something that is completely different and fully fantastic. She then explains the concept of de-selfing, which is when someone gives up aspects that are core to who they are in order to fit in or maintain an important relationship. Indeed, Kaciny has experienced this, and it’s in the spaces where she’s learned to have a faith that is hers and hers alone that has given her the freedom to share her best self with others. As Kaciny unboxes God, she is unlearning the unhelpful practices, like de-selfing or building walls instead of boundaries, in order to become her most full, authentic self.
What are you doing to become your most authentic self?
Vegas Jesus (at The El Rey) filmed by Kyle Lawrence
Kyle's first stand-up performance (Flappers, Burbank, CA.) 7/27/14 - part of Jerry Corley's Comedy Clinic student showcase
More Kyle stand-up (Yoo Hoo Room - Burbank, CA.) 9/26/14
Mental Health Moments: Boundaries, Codependency & Relationships
Boundaries: Definition and Types of Boundaries (CrossRoadsINDY Counseling)
Carl Benedict, LCPC | 12 Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries (Serenity Online Therapy)
Sarri Gilman | Good boundaries free you [TEDx] -Sarri Gilman has found that clear boundaries enhance relationships and the quality of life. Sarri is author of “Transform Your Boundaries,” which she based on insights gleaned from decades of experience as a marriage and family therapist.
Brene Brown | Boundaries
3 Boundaries You Must Set in Every Relationship | Oprah Winfrey's SuperSoul Sunday
Dr. Maya Angelou | Loving and Letting Go - When Dr. Maya Angelo was told her mother (Vivian Baxter) had three weeks to live, she invited her to spend her final days with her in North Carolina.
Iyanla Vanzant | Are YOU in a relationship or entanglement? (The R Spot)
This is the video that Sarah Goodson refers to, which covers compassionate self-forgiveness.
Sarah Goodson, MA, MTS (She/Her/Hers) Professional Executive Coach
Michael J. Richardson's research - BYU
In this episode, we wrap up Season 1 with five guests, each sharing their unique thoughts on maintaining healthy relationships with boundaries, compassion, and independence - allowing love to blossom. McCall and Kyle tell their transformative love story and many mouth-watering analogies for relationships are shared. How do you define a healthy relationship?
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